It's time to bring a little love into The Kingdom Of Calamity. So sit back, chillax, turn on some Barry White, and prepare to groove on down to Funky Town with Dave, as he hits you with some Dating Tips and Tricks. Aww Yeah!

(And on a side note, incase you missed the word round these parts, Charlie's Blast Factory is officially on Xbox Live Community Games, and is available to download for 400 points. We now return you to your regularly scheduled blog, already in progress)

So I'd like to kick start this meeting of the minds off by saying that this one's for the boys. Sorry gals, but seeing as I was blessed with male parts where it counts, I'm more knowledgeable on the subject of guy to girl interspecies flirtation rituals. Which is not to say that I wouldn't do my best to help out a damsel in distress, but I make no guarantee's when dealing with date info for the fairer sex (not that I make any guarantee's anyway). Now then... Attention Men! Your Romance Boot Camp has officially begun!

So chicks are giving you the stink eye huh? Well it could be the result of a combination of things. Maybe your ugly, maybe you smell of radishes, maybe you come on like a wolf in heat. Whatever the case, it's obvious that your current strategy is soaring like a lead balloon. Fear not my manly friends, because there's a very easy way to fix all this! Simply put...

Shut up! You talk too much! Your lips are flapping and nobody's listening. You're hanging yourself with your dialogue dude. 


You get nervous, you say the wrong things, you come on faaar too strong and faaar too fast, and its mucking up your mojo big time. Alot of times, date advisors say to be a jerk to a girl, to act like a testosterone junkie, to ignore a girl, etc., and all of them are pretty much wrong. Components of each of these strategies are correct, but taken to those extremes hurts your chances, and her feelings. So just take a deep breath, and shut your yap. If you're somewhere with friends, and you're noticing the girl sitting across from you, talk to her, talk to your friends, but do not, under any circumstances, come down with a case of motor mouth! Just talk naturally, and know when not to talk. 

Girls prefer a guy that doesn't need them. Girls prefer a guy that wants them. Nobody, guy or girl, wants a stalker drool monkey. It's unpleasant and awkward. So if you're out and about, with your friends and a hotty (which is another thing, always schedule group dates in well lit, public areas with plenty of seats. Movies are relationship killers in the early stages. There's very little opportunity to socialize and to get to know each other better in person, and there's an underlying romantic pressure that she'll feel, where as she may still be at the stage when she's deciding how she feels about you), just make sure you talk to everyone equally. She needs to know that you're comfortable enough with yourself, and socially poised enough, to not be swayed by your emotions. In fact, your emotions should remain completely hidden from her, for the majority of the night. Steal small glances at her after you finish telling a joke. This will tell you two things... 1. Does she have a sense of humor that's compatible with your own? (which is very important, because humor is the ultimate ice breaker) and 2. Is she paying attention to you? Girls are pretty smart. They pick up on the game quickly (after all, they're making up the rules aren't they?). She'll make sure you notice her, noticing you. Just give her a quick glance after telling a joke. Do it enough times, and you'll know where you stand.

And of course, if she's not interested, let her go. You cannot be afraid to let a girl slip through your fingers fella's. Desperation is a killer in the love department. And the odds were in our favor to begin with. Remember, they outnumber us 2 to 1. More girls are born each year than guys, and women live longer than men, so there will always be plenty of females to talk to. But let's just say, she is dropping hints that she's intrigued in your person. You and her have unspoken sparks flying with every cool, and charming thing you do (which reminds me, do your best to be both cool and charming. Make your own style work. If you think your hair looks cool, but others don't, then rock it like its the coolest thing since sliced bread. And really believe it's what's happening! Study up a little bit on fashion, and encorporate your style with what's in, that way, you're original, modern, and confident in yourself all at the same time. These are the things girls pick up on), in this stage all that's left to do is to seal the deal.

If you're out with a group of people, some of whom you're unfamiliar with, ask to get everyone's phone number (including hers!) at the end of the night. If she ended up being the only new person in your cavalcade, then remain calm and simply say "So do you have txting?" if she says yes, then follow with "Cool. Lemme get your number.". That asks for her number in a slightly less jarring way, show's you're interested while preserving your poker face, and gears her mind towards speaking to you through txt; which really, is the best way to get to know a girl in the outset, because there's very little pressure on either person, and plenty of time to formulate decent responses.

If you get to this stage, you've done all the hard work already. All that's left now, is to let her make the first move (unless it's been a week, in which case you can initiate). Remain calm when speaking to her, and don't say too much about feeling upset, afraid, or angry. Remember, girls are a bit more emotional then guys are, so they want a guy that's level headed, and for the most part, keeps his cool. If you txt her every time you're pissed or depressed, you're gonna be instantly blacklisted to the "friend" category. You wanna chill in the "potential" category. Just because she comes to you with her problems, doesn't mean you can come to her with all your problems. That's what guy friends are there for, listening when you don't wanna look like a tool in front of your lady. So remember the golden rule "Shut up!"

As long as you loosely follow this advice (none of it's set in stone, and works better when adapted to your own style), and always treat her kind and respectfully (a mind steeped in the gutter will not take you far gentlemen), you should do just fine. Hope that helps. 

At ease Soldiers!

I love New York:


An excuse to watch an angry black woman, and her angry black mother, be both black and angry simultaneously. Oh and somewhere along the lines, some dating takes place. But seriously, that's about the extent of the show. And I can say that with full confidence of being a non racist, american male of half black decent. Her show/shows was/are nothing but shock television at its lowest (the shock part comes from the expression the viewer makes when they realize she's still getting work). 


The Real World:


If MTV has taught me anything, it's that being between the ages of 21 and 26 warrants non stop drinking at all hours of the day and night (even on leap years). Apparently I must be doing it wrong, since I'm 22 and have yet to get toasted once, like these kids do daily. Remember children, when the cops come to carry your lifeless, grime encrusted body off the city street and into a detox cell, you're halfway to meeting your binge drinking quota for the night. I think the most entertaining aspects of this show, are the scenario's I imagine will play out when these kids return to their homes, and have to face their friends and family after they've just finished watching the season. 


Newly Sobered Up Generic Blond Real World Girl #42: "I'm sorry Mitch. I didn't mean to cheat on you numerous times with the entire cast, crew, and Kraft Service providers over the course of these past 3 months... It was an accident."


Mitch: "Well I didn't mean to punch you in the face repeatedly with my ring hand, and yet look where we are? Maybe you should blog about that!"


Hogan Knows Best:


Vince McMahon may own the rights to the name "Hulk", but he certainly doesn't own Hulk Hogan's right to come off as total white trash while on camera (a feat not easily accomplished when one is filthy rich). Must he walk everywhere bare foot and shirtless? Nobody wants to see his saggy muscled, insta-tan backside looking them in the face while shopping for pomegranates at the Acme. It's off putting when around food.


And speaking of off putting, do you want to tell his daughter she can't sing, or should I? Perhaps if they preface her music videos with a parental advisory warning, I'll consider not suing her label for child endangerment; because there's absolutely no reason to allow her CD ads to air on Nickelodeon air time. Even Nick At Night's pushing it (though allowable, since no one actually watches). My cousins are 12 percent stupider for having seen her hair flip 20 times in one commercial after Spongebob went off.

It's been a long time kids and campers, but I promised not to forsake you, and truly I meant it. So... I guess the big question on all of your minds would be, "Where the piss have you been for the last 2 months Dave!?" and the short answer to that is, working, my, butt, OFF! A starving artist/musician/fungineer such as myself has to develop quite a few skillz if he wants to make it in this town. Know what I'm saying? So of course, the natural follow up question would be, "Will Said Skillz pay the billz?" and to that, all I can say is "Only time will tell my friends..." But hopefully they shall. The skillz in question, would be those of a video game developer. I have single handedly created an Xbox 360 title (and by single handedly, I mean, animated my fingers to the bone, composed my ears to the bone, programmed my brain to the... well you get the idea) to be released, hopefully, in the near future. The game itself is called "Charlie's Blast Factory" and I encourage yall to give it a looksie when it hits the open market (shameless self plug, I know, but if I don't promote, who will?).


But enough about ole Charlie boy (they'll be plenty of time to discuss his misadventures later), I'm sure, as you all may or may not have noticed, the site has undergone a couple of changes. First off, it looks nothing like it used to. This is because it's being shifted from an indie comic site, to a video game/comic/social site. About a month ago I added a forum, and most recently, I added something I personally find pretty cool... a Twitter! 


What's a Twitter you ask?


Get with the 00's my friend, cuz a Twitter is all sorts of teh new hotness! See that little blue box in the top right corner of the screen? It reads "what am I doing..." Well it's how I communicate with yall, and what's going on in my life, AS IT HAPPENS! And lemme tell you folks, ALOT of drama goes down in my world, regularly. So you may find this to be quite an interesting Twitter. But how does it work, you ask? Simple, I txt my life updates straight to the site. You all catch my new Twitter entries when you stop by. And should you stop past the actual Twitter site, you may be able to get my updates txted to you throughout the day. Twitter says its all free, but to still consult your carrier anyways, so take all that up with them, should you feel inclined. But no worries, cuz Calamity-Outfitters will stay having your back in the gossip department of my newly Twitted life. I'll give yall game dev scoops, animation scoops, and insane psycho babble all the live long day. From Simpsons commentary to Rock Band scores, to Charlie's Blast status, to Malice Alice plot ideas, you'll get it all straight from the horses mouth...


And speaking of my leading lady, don't you think it's about time she made a come back...? 


Stay tuned folks, groovy stuff is on the way!

I've noticed that some of the folks here have quite a bit to say, and others, possibly would like to say something, but don't feel confident enough to throw their hat's in the ring. Still others, would prefer me to update my blog more regularly, or to get back on the ball with the comics (don't worry, more are coming. I promise.) 


But the fact of the matter is, I've got a ton of art work and writing to see to as is, and sometimes (as much as I'd like too), I just can't be here to keep things going all the time.


Which is why I've just created, "Yeti's Forum Fun Time". It's my way of saying "entertain yourselves children, daddy's got work to do." 


But please, don't look at the forum as a mere blow off. Because it's so much more then just that. It's a chance for people to sound off about what's going on in their lives and their worlds, on a website that don't hastle them with countless ads and annoyances. 


Besides, this forum will be moderated, to ensure that folks can be cool with each other, without worrying about jerks making em feel like losers for being themselves.
I hope in time, you's guys feel comfortable making your voices heard. 


Come on in. The water's fine.

Ah, good old scripted television. I hardly knew yee... 


Anybody remember the olden days, when people actually, you know, acted on TV? 


Wait, allow me to correct myself... 


Anybody remember the olden days, when people actually acted "well" on TV? 


You see, reality television is about as "real" as Britney Spear's career. I mean sure it exists, but nobody with half a brain puts any faith in it. That being said, much like Britney Spear's career, reality TV refuses to die.


I'm not so much dissing on a genre, as I'm going on the subject matter contained in the genre (and yeah I'm cracking on the genre too... it just plain sucks). So allow me to break it down for you show by show:


The Hills: Rich socialite young people that routinely inflate their own ego's while you give them the best years of your life. Or rather, MTV give's them the best years of your life. I'm quite sure that if "Chess The Homicidal Kitty Cat" were real, he'd target that cast to be his next group of "friends" as soon as the show was announced. But then again, if Chesh were as real as that show, he'd have to consult his agent before he could load up his shot gun.


I suppose I'm to believe that the adventures these psuedo humans go on are real because... well the rich are just a better breed of people then we are, and their very existence (on or off camera) will inevitably play out like a giant soap opera (complete with music cue's). 


But the sad reality of this reality show, is that no one's life is that entertainingly dramatic. When I fight with a girl, there is no slow camera pan to a birds eye view of my gorgeous CA neighborhood at rainfall. 


There is however, yelling, hurt feelings, stress, and Dave pissed off at the world for no good reason. Similarly, when I get the girl, time doesn't slow to a crawl so we (and all of you) can savor the gag reflex inducing amor of it all. There's just me having a good day, and possibly one of my friends caring enough to learn her name.


Which really, is exactly why The Hill's is so very phony to begin with (besides the glaringly obvious plastic acting). In the end, people just don't care about your life. Your life is unpleasant. 


Yup.


And if your life isn't unpleasant, then your life is a television show. Nobody wants to see Beyonce pig out on Frito's while she paints her nails. Though that is exactly what happens in Beyonce's life. If however, you script Beyonce's life and add dramatic camera angles, and hip hop underscores, well then my friends you now have a 25 minute time waster... but you still don't have a "life". 


So maybe when The Hills kids start living, then I'll start watching (and then of course I'll stop watching because I'll be bored out of my skull). 


The irony is delightful.

See that title above? The one about that famous group we all know and love/tolerate/loathe? I wonder what would happen if you replaced the "F" with an "S"...?


That particular band of merry men seems to be a large topic of discussion anymore. After all, when Blink took the big plunge, My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy stole and split the throne with a new twist on an old punk subgenre called "emo". MCR is still quite loved, but you don't hear as much on them as you used too. This may be due to their apparent lack of new music in what seems like eon's for fans, but whatever the reason, FOB is top dog nowadays.

I assume you may wanna argue down FOB's genre with me, but the fact is, that the whole concept of music is continually changing and evolving, and what was once punk, is not punk, and what is now punk, could easily be labeled something else entirely. The same goes for emo. Music is an evolving organism. 


Get with the theory.

So back to Pete Wentz and the three other guys... I mean... uh... "Fall Out Boy". I'm calling the dudes out on a personal foul. Will somebody please explain to me why a 29 year old bassist that seems to have his mannerisms confused with those of a 14 year old girl's, takes the spot light in a band with little to know bass riffs? Not to mention that his bass playing is on a continual downward spiral. As their popularity, or rather "his" popularity, goes up, Pete's playing goes down (his career makes an excellent line graph).

Want proof?

Ever hear of a little game called Rock Band? Try the bass lines for FOB's "Dead On Arrival" from their second album, then, should you have it downloaded, give the bass for "This Aint A Scene It's An Arms Race" a shot. You tell me the difference.

Actually, there's a 94% chance that they turn off his bass entirely for live performances. Check out their newest dvd, and more recent non televised shows on youtube, then tell me if dude is playing at all. I mean, sometimes his fingers don't even match the notes and music tempo.

So now we get down to my actual qualm with the boys of Fall Out Boy. Call them sell out's if you must, but I'm always game to give a band a listen if their music quality stay's sharp, even when the dollars are raining in. What I don't like is the people (and by people I mean high school girls) that spend their hard earned allowances on a CD because the bassist is "hot". Couple that with my afore mentioned comment on "sharp music quality", because theirs has significantly gone down since "From Under The Cork Tree". 

On top of all that, In a recent picture of FOB, Patrick (the singer/song writer/producer/lead guitarist/half lyricist) is standing directly behind Pete Wentz (the bassist/half lyricist) with only his head jutting out, wearing a "Don't forget about Me!" expression on his face. And the rest of the band are similarly positioned. C'mon guys, that's just shameful. 

Music is an art form.

So why do we have super models painting the pictures?

FOB is about to drop their new album, and I myself love their older album "Take This To Your Grave" and their break out album "From Under The Cork Tree". The latter album's follow up "Infinity On High" more or less sucked for me (sans Hum Hallelujah) simply because of the overly processed sound that they've now perfected in their newest hit "I Don't Care". 


FOB, I'm neither a teenager, nor a girl. So why are you gonna talk to me like I'm both? Treat all your fans with respect fellas... 


They can make you, and they can break you.

Hello how are you like your shoes love your hair.

You know what I love on a girl? When she wears her hair over one eye. I think it makes her look pretty and unique. But I also really like if a girl has her hair pulled back, and a few sections hanging down over her eyes. Just a few though. Not the whole thing. I'm also, a big fan of pig tails. They make a girl look fun and interesting.

So what's the big deal with dudes and hair nowadays? I suppose I'm speaking more of those that hail from the emo set. The daring young men that spend more time and energy on their follicles then I ever did on my school work (I'm not sure if that's an insult to them or me). Personally though, I've become much more into my hair as of late. See, something you should know about me, is that I'm half black, and half white. I've got tan skin, and the hair of a caucasian. For the most part, I kept my doo short and manageable, but as of late, I've been growing it out and spending longer periods of time on it. I guess I feel like, I've had this hair my whole life and have never really taken it for a test drive. It's down to my eyebrows and I haven't cut it yet. For awhile, I found myself styling it in more of the afore mentioned emo way, but that was too much work. Now I'm kinda just going with the flow. I get up, shake it into a style and march out into the world. I actually think it's kinda stupid to mimic a style, just because you can. Just because you think it's cool. Which may be the bone that I'm picking with emo dudes. I honestly think its cool hair and a cool look, I just don't think it says much for your individuality. But then again, that's just me. 

Either way, we've entered an era of dudes spending as much time on their hair as girls. And as motion city said... The Future Freaks Me Out.

So I've just introduced my next comic. It's called "I'm A Yeti". It's about a moronic Yeti boy, that lives deep in the bowels of Alaska. 


The point of this series is short, insane dialogue, coupled with silly and random artwork. You might as well know now, that I have ADD and the world's shortest attention span, so a break from Alice was in order at this point in time. But don't worry, her dark adventures will resume later on. 


As of right now, just try to give I'm A Yeti a moment of your time (and sanity). You just might like it.


The characters in the series are:


I'm A Yeti: An idiotic young yeti with a curiosity for the strange world around him, and a high tolerance for pain.


Door Knob The Penguin: An orphaned baby penguin that was found and aptly named by I'm A Yeti. Door Knob is innocent and confused by the strange world he now finds himself in, and quite possibly misses life in his egg.


Bipolar Bear: An unintelligent bear that regularly changes moods on a whim. One minute he's smiling, the next he's depressed, and the next he's ripping your face off. Good bear.


So that's I'm A Yeti. I promise you'll be dumber for having read it. Enjoy.

So when I'm not slaving away on new comic strips for all you happy peoples out there in interbutz land, I like to unwind the old fashion way... by which of course I mean in front of my playstation 3. At the moment I'm kicking butt and taking names in "The King Of Fighters "The Orochi Saga" (which isn't actually for the ps3, but is currently residing in my ps3. Aint technology grand?).

My dream team consists of Iori Yagami (face it the dude has a killer move set, an envy inducing style of dress, and emo hair that could give Pete Wentz a run for his money. A triple threat I like to call "The Yagami Trifecta" (when nobody's around to make fun of me)), King (no last name given. And with a move set that power house, no last name is needed) and the all star of Fatal Fury Fame (scratch that last capital F) Terry Bogard (dude was rocking Chuck T's long before the clientele of your local Hot Topic thought they were the shiznight).


The close runner ups would be Benimaru Nikaido (coolest last name, ever), Vice and Mature (yowza! wink wink), Shermie (add one more wink to the first two), Joe (I stopped listing last names), Mai (I'm out of winks so I'll go with the cliche hot girl whistle), and Kim (how can you not love someone so obsessed with justice?). Those are all my homiez from cell block 8, but really, as long as they're in King Of Fighters, I can have fun using em (accept maybe one or two characters... yeah I'm looking at you Chang and Choi).


Which brings me to my one (albeit arguable) gripe. The difficulty level ranges from beat me with a metal bat till I see stars (and not the kind that played in Fight Club) all the way to strap a nuke on my back and kiss my butt goodbye. In other words... THE GAME'S TOO HARD! 


I can't remember how many times the orochi team slapped me six ways from senseless (my brain probably blocked out the number due to all the trauma), just to be one hit away from defeat. Seriously, at least seven times they were knocking on deaths door (heck they were paging him at the office and setting off his ring tone), only to come back and punch my face to custard in a ridiculous example of "catch up A.I". And don't let that lousy roulette wheel of services they offer to the loser (a.k.a me) fool you, if they give me unlimited specials the comp blocks em, if they dole out 1/4th damage, the computer uses its afore mentioned keen (a.k.a annoying) catch up A.I to beat my life bar down to an even ratio, and if it increases my power... well pretty much nothing happens because I still can't see the benefit of that service.


Oh and by the by, all this is while the difficulty is still on "1". 


Granted I'm still a bit rusty on KOF (it's been awhile but I'm gradually getting better each time I play), but the difficulty didn't seem to spike so dramatically in King Of Fighters XI. Despite this one complaint (hey I'm 22, I'm allowed to get crotchety in my old age), the game still rocks my world.


Long live snk.

So here we are at the second part of my little tirade on the king pop punk band of yesteryear. Which of course is Blink 182, and what they split off into. 


The other half of the blink banana split is +44. If that name sounds unfamiliar to you, it's probably because you're not one of the thirty people that actually listen to +44. Which isn't to say that Plus sucks, it's just that, well to put it bluntly... nobody really cares. They're under the radar. And they're doing nothing to fix that dilemma either.


+44 is made up of Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker, the ex bassist and drummer of blink 182. At the start of this new band, their goal was to bring us fans "blink sans the walking ego that Tom had become". Unfortunately for us, Tom had brought more to the table then just his sense of self satisfaction, and without that extra "umph" Plus came off as severely lacking.


This wasn't helped by the fact that just about every song on their first (and only) album "When Your Heart Stops Beating" came off as a gigantic whine fest over how Tom had done them dirty. Personally, I don't agree with Tom's actions, and Mark Hoppus will always be the man, but when my ex girlfriend (well she was kinda my girlfriend... our relationship was a complicated one to say the least, but to make phrasing easier, I'll refer to her as my ex girl) broke my heart, my friends got real sick of the fact that every new song I wrote on my guitar, was about how she had hurt me. 


Yeah she did me dirty, but no audience wants it crammed down their throats.


So while I feel for Mark, we (the fans) are still left with the sad truth that this band (+44) is not Blink 182. Blink didn't whine. They had pain, but the good times ALWAYS outweighed the bad. So all of that brings us down to the main question presented in the title, which is "Who's the better band, Angels or 44?".


Simply put, it all depends on what you'd rather hear. Inspirational punk slowed down and called something else entirely (Angels) or complaining punk with less pop and more pain (44). For my money, it's Angels, just because of the more positive message and vocal harmonies (though I find their intolerably slow sound to border on unbearable after a few tracks). 


Either way, neither comes close to Blink. And while both artists explore their own sounds, the ones left to suffer are the fans.


Stay Together For The Kids.